R.I.P Jimmy Choo Shoe

This is a fictional story, no shoes were harmed in the process of making this.

So my Jimmy Choos are dead!! Yes it’s true, it really is and I really cannot cope with it all!! What am I going to do? I mean, I don’t think I have ever felt such pain. I couldn’t go into work of course. I mean I am I mourning aren’t I? And my boss Tim can’t expect me to come in in the state I’m in. It’s just not possible. I would be no use to anyone, so I told him so this morning on the phone. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Hello, Tim, its Lippy.

Deep sigh from Tim’s end… Silence… Too long a silence…

Me: Tim, hello are you there?

Tim: …Pause, silence, awkward! 

Me: TIM! Speak to me will you- I’m in mourning, the pain is unbearable!

Tim: Right hit me with it Lippy, who’s died now?

Me: Jimmy’s dead, it’s just so unbearable Tim, I can’t actually cope.

Tim: Oh… So someone has actually died. I mean – heh-hum, I mean like it’s not your goldfish, or pet tarantula, even though I know you would never own a spider even if I paid you too! Or one of your acrylics has broken and needs immediate beauty salon attention?? You mean to tell me some one has actually died this time? 

Then, with a muster of the longest, biggest, hardest lungful sob a girl could possibly muster… 

Me: Yes Tim, can you believe it, I am so heartbroken- I don’t think I have ever felt pain like it. Even when Nemo my goldfish died I wasn’t this upset.

Then Tim suddenly became very serious.

Tim: Lipps I am so sorry to hear this and it’s to be expected feeling the way you’re feeling right now, but it will get better I promise… When’s the funeral?

Me: Thanks, an-hum, it’s today at one pm.

Tim: I’m so sorry for you, what was he to you? An uncle? Brother? Grand-… Woaaa hang on, today at one o’clock, when did he die? 

Me:  Yeah, 1 o’clock, it was sort of rushed you see, could’t hang about incase it rotted away-….. Whoah, hang on, No it’s not a my uncle or anything… It’s my shoe you wally. I’m burying my Jimmy Choo today a 1 pm, the heel snapped off it yesterday and it can’t be fixed, so it’s all set. I have a few girly friends coming around and we’re going to give it the best send-off. I’m soooo upset about it all Tim, do you think I could maybe have some bereavement leave with full pay??

Tim: Bye Lippy…

And that was it, the phone went dead…

So I took the putting down of the phone as yes. I mean let’s be honest, what was the worst that Tim was going to do? Make me work my dinner hour maybe? And he couldn’t possibly expext me to come into work in the state I was in.

The girls turned up at 12:45 as prompted. Soph with the poem I had requested her to write, Jenny with the designer shoe box I had asked her to bring because all mine had been either squashed or binned and let’s be honest if we we’re gonna do this, then it was gonna be done in style! And Claire with the white roses I had asked her to pick up on the way.

The sun was shining but I gotta admit it wasn’t the happiest of days. The worst part was Soph’s poem she had written, it went something like this.

‘Oh Jimmy Choo where are you?

We have lost your sole boo hoo hoo.

You brought such joy to Lippy’s heart,

But now you are gone, forever apart.

But forever in our hearts you will stay,

As we say goodbye on this very sad day.

Rest in peace Jimmy Choo.’

Well I can say, the tears didn’t stop streaming for hours after that and the few bottles of wine we drank really helped take the edge off things. So it’s been a sad day all around really and now I’m off to sleep, but not before I look for a replacement on the internet.

© Inserted pictures and story are my own creations, all rights reserved.


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